Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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