You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
is that a dick in a sweater?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
