My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
