im having a threesome with these popsicles
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
