Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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