He kissed a someone with a penis
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
