You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
