Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
