Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
this is an emotional support booty call
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
