Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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