Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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