i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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