So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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