I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
