what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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