is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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