mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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