worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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