Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
