That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize