Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
