It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
