If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
