hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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