Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
