She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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