Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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