do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
