So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
