I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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