Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry about my life...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
