fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
