and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would fuck him just for his dog
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
