Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
