i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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