i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize