Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
