I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
