Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
