We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
