It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
