Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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