You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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