A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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