honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
