I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
