He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
