After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
