idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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