Already got asked if we're dating
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
