I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
