The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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