Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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