I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
