you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
