Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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