I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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