On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
