she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
