quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
