A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
