Me too!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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