remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
