Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
