Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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