I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
