Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
