is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize