...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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