I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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